you made me do it
You know how people say there are two things you don't ever want to see made: laws, and sausage? Something else you don't ever want to see, because it will never be an attractive process, is a woman putting on control-top pantihose. I'm just saying.
For a few months now I've been forgetting to tell a little thing about my trip to Scotland, but I'm finally remembering today. Francisco had packed me a large amount and variety of vitamins; so many I would never need them all, even if I was gone for a month. I was thinking that I hoped my friend, Diana, would take them too, because then they would be more depleted and I would have a tiny bit more room in my bag for duty-free liquor on the way back. But when I attempted to express this to her, my brain wasn't working very well, and it didn't come out the way I meant:
ME: Diana, I need you to help me swallow all those vitamins.
HER: ....[bemused pause]...What, you want me to massage your throat or something?
Then we laughed for approximately an hour and a half.
This morning I ate a string cheese and noticed an admonishment printed at the end, where it gets peeled open: "SAFETY FIRST! Open with hands, not teeth." I have no words for how this kind of thing annoys, and occasionally enrages, me. I just. Grrr!
Okay, I'm back from my haircut, and I have to tell you, I Almost chickened out with the little coat. The closer it got this morning to my appointment time, the sillier I felt about it, but I ended up going through with it because I TOLD YOU I WOULD. You, my friends, are excellent motivators. I went into the salon, said hi to Dennis, and hung that red pleather coat up. Fortunately the little hooks are just out of sight of the front desk (though if Dennis or the chick had leaned over the desk a little, they would've seen me), and it also helped that I was the only customer in the waiting area. Kathy (my hairdresser) caught me taking the picture and I'm sure she thought I was a freak, but I explained about how the little hooks were just crying out for a little coat, and then she thought it was amusing (or she pretended). Dennis later came back to where Kathy was cutting my hair, and he had the coat. "Is this your little red coat?", he asked. I said yes. He asked if I wanted to leave it hanging up front, and I said I would, if he wouldn't mind. I then told him how the hooks wanted coats, and he asked if I'd taken a picture (he saw the flash). He went away with the coat, and later when I had retrieved the coat and was checking out (the place was packed by then--not sure who all noticed the coat) he asked me if I'd email him the picture; he thought it was funny. So there you go, but unfortunately the picture isn't that great; I should've taken it from farther back so there was more perspective for it. I think I might need to take a little coat every time I get my hair cut--I could do a little coat picture series. Dennis won't mind; I can warn him in advance, since I have his email address and will be sending him the red coat pic. Boy's action figures have a "shearling" jacket that totally needs to be introduced to the little hooks; I think it'll be coming with me to my next appointment, in December. And maybe a little hat.
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