Here are some things to tell you:
1) I'm considering starting a bicycle gang after the weather warms up. We could make matching jackets and everything.
2) On Sunday I bought some raspberry flavored kefir at the grocery store. I'd never had kefir before, and I really like the stuff, even despite the slightly off-putting odor.
3) Monday morning and this morning I used the treadmill, including some RUNNING. Not a lot, but I did more this morning than on Monday, and I'm going to work my way up. Stay tuned.
4) This morning in the work bathroom mirror I discovered grey hairs #3 and #4. They are more noticeable than grey hairs #1 and #2.
5) My most annoying coworker is all the time talking about her friends and acquaintances and once jokingly said that she collects people. This did not surprise me because I think of her friends the same way, and in fact when she talks about her friends I picture her as a New Guinea tribesman brandishing a bunch of shrunken heads by their hair. Needless to say, I have not shared this imagery with her.
6) This should have been #1, probably: Work has been horrendously busy lately and I've had no time to write. It should slow back down pretty soon, but right now I am hating it.
7) Tomorrow night I'm going back to the knitting group. Right now I still have the mitten to finish, because I haven't worked on it much, so I guess that will be the project I take, but someday I'll knock their socks off with something super impressive.
8) My brother-in-law is funny. He's applying for a job at a place which shall remain nameless, and this place really puts a potential applicant through his or her paces. This is what he had to say about it: "I am on step 6 of the 10,000 step application process for XXXXXXX. I passed the 2 color tests, the computer test, the personal interview and the initial background check. Tomorrow I pick up the application packet and on Friday I go watch real life drama unfold in the call center for 4 hours. Next up: three card Monte, egg toss and the running of the bulls. Then the real testing begins." For the record, Francisco also applied to them and could not get past the initial testing, which is not to say Francisco is dumb, but rather that his brain doesn't work in the specific way this employer desires.
9) I could tell you something Sharky did recently that annoyed me, and I could go on about it for awhile too, but I don't want to turn my diary into a Sharky gripeathon. He is usually pretty bearable and is often pretty amusing, as well. However, if any 16 year-olds are reading this, I offer some advice: A) If, for whatever reason, you need a copy of your birth certificate, you have Got to give your parents more than 15 minutes notice about it; otherwise they might get a bit stroppy and might also have difficulty opening the safe to get at said birth certificate due to their jangled nerves. B) "I forgot!!" is NOT a valid excuse. C) Quit making your parents look like uncaring assholes by signing up to play on an indoor soccer team that schedules games in places and at times that they are Unable to take you to, causing you to have to beg rides from friends. That last one might not apply to very many of the 16 year-olds who are undoubtedly clamoring to read this diary, but I thought I would throw it in anyway.
10) One other Sharky thing: He has his permit and started taking Drivers Ed. yesterday, finally. Some parents are, I think, bothered by the idea of their kids driving, but I'm just so tired of having to drive him places that I'm pretty freaking happy he's taking this first step toward getting a license.
11) We've been watching Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations, and in the recent Berlin episode I loved it when one of the guys touring him around said, "In Germany we say that once your reputation is ruined, you can live life quite freely". I just think that's a fantastic way of looking at things.
12) Francisco called me today to tell me that his Goodwill Donation Gland is kicking into overdrive and that if there's anything left at the old house that I want, I better tell him what it is. I mentioned a few things and have remembered a couple more things since then, but my donation gland is also running high, so Goodwill is going to get lucky real soon. Goodbye, roller skates; you were worth the $10 I paid for you on eBay, but it's time for you to go.
13) Last weekend I tried out the Handwash setting on our new washer and am thrilled with the results. I washed a wool sweater and there was absolutely no shrinkage, so I am celebrating today by wearing a knit shirt that is handwash only, and which I previously have only worn maybe 10 times due to my abhorrence of hand washing. I have been liberated!
I was going to stop there, to creep out the superstitious people, but I just returned a call and:
14) Making a voice mail message that says, "Hello?".......[long pause]...."I'm not here right now..." is NOT funny, so please don't do that unless you want me to call you Assface, in my imagination.
Have a good night, lovies.
PS Oh, just so we're all clear, in my last entry I talked about Sharky writing a note to Francisco, saying not to worry if he heard voices or smelled pot, and Sharky was Totally Joking about that pot thing. I'm sure most of you understood that, but anyone who is new might have been tempted to call the POlice. Stand down, it's a false alarm |
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