Yesterday during my lunch hour I walked to the post office to mail a thing and on my way I ate some pea pods. While I was eating them, I kept thinking "I am a mobile snack unit" and sort of giggling to myself. Just so you know, I was pronouncing mobile as "mo-bile", not "mo-bil", just because I think "mo-bile" is funnier.
Okay, I'm going to tell you a big thing today, though truthfully I don't feel all that ready, but I don't think it's going to get any easier so I might as well just spill it, right? What I need to tell you is that in June, after school is out for the year, the Shark is going to be relocating to live with his dad in Eugene, with the plan of finishing high school there. There are loads and loads of factors that led to us offering the Shark this option [and it was ONLY an option--he is in no way being kicked out], and he knows he can move back home if he is unhappy in Eugene. I won't go into all the background and etc that led up to us presenting him the option, because that would be too much reading, but basically we came to the conclusion that he needs more independence than we feel able to allow him. His dad is in a really good place, life-wise (I am proud of him for making so much progress in so relatively short a time) and we feel he would be able to better provide what Sharky seems to need. Something I absolutely love about this plan is that Shark agreed to allow us to register him at his new school as a junior (his current status), which gives him a do-over on this whole year, and he needs that, I think, considering his academic performance this year. He is one of the youngest in his class, because he started first grade at age 6 instead of age 7, so he won't be at all out of place as a 17 year old junior, AND it means he'll get to play two more years of high school soccer. He's pretty excited about that second thing. This plan has coincided rather eerily with his dad's sudden need to move [his apartment has recently been repeatedly flooded with sewage due to a broken sewage line], and so his dad will now be seeking a two bedroom apartment instead of a one bedroom, and he is excited to have the Shark come live with him.
Miss Catie said something wise to me about this situation that I hope she won't mind me quoting. She said: "I believe that the desire for our parents to parent us properly is so strong that even though he had two ideal parents, what he really needed was for his parents to do the job they were supposed to do all along. I've seen a similar deal happen so many times. Here's how it goes: Parents are assmonkeys. Someone takes in kid and loves kid hugely. Kid loves the people who took him in, but in kid's heart there is still a hole. Because while the people who are doing the care taking are great and giving him everything he technically needs, what his heart needs is for his natural parents to love him enough to do the right thing by him. And so, a resentment builds towards the care takers. Of course it's misplaced. Of course it's borderline stupid, but it is what it is." Let me tell you, this was an incredibly helpful thing to hear and I am so grateful to have a wise friend like Catie.
I know I said, not very long ago, that what I wanted more than anything was for the Shark to get out of my house, but when I said that, I didn't mean NOW. So even though I will shortly be getting what I said I wanted, I am rather sad about it. After the Shark had jumped at our offer to live with his dad, and after his dad had also eagerly accepted, I thought, "WAIT. WAIT, let's think about this some more", because though I will not miss all the arguing and stress and tension we've been having for the past.....long time now, I will miss the Shark and it will be hard to let him go. When he is not being a tireless, arguing/hatred machine, he is very good company. I won't pretend not to feel relieved that he won't be fighting with me daily while Francisco is gone to sleepaway police camp for 4.5 months; I wasn't at all sure how I was going to handle that and I was scared just thinking about it. So there are pros and cons to the Shark's moving, for us and for him, and I hope more than anything that the Shark will be happy and will be better able to motivate himself in his new environment. As for me, I'm looking forward to talking to him on the phone and sending him care packages, as well as visiting periodically.
So there you have it. After reading this you may think we are making a terrible mistake letting him go live with his dad, but if you think that I need to ask that you keep it to yourself. I am well aware that this might be a mistake and that thought keeps me up at night, but if it turns out to be a mistake, he can move back home and we will regroup. We would not have suggested the option if we didn't think it could be a really great thing for him. He will be able to have the freedom he desires so badly while also having the opportunity to become more independent. Basically we think he'll be able to "man up" living with his dad in a way he would probably not be able to do here, and also gain some much-needed perspective on life. The Shark is a great kid, he really is, but he doesn't have the world's best grasp on reality.
Aside from this, not a lot to talk about today. Francisco and I went out during my lunch hour and bought his mom a gift--it's her birthday today and she's coming over the pass tomorrow to receive her gifts and accolades. I may meet her outside of town and have her ride the rest of the way on a donkey.
I'm going home now to have dinner and clean for The Arrival tomorrow. Have a good night!
PS The burrito from yesterday. |
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