a right turn at Albuquerque
I don't know if you've noticed, but in recent months I've been updating here less and less frequently, and it's because I've lost motivation for writing. Not Entirely, but it's just gotten hard to write anything that interests ME, let alone anyone else. I've been thinking about why that is, and I think it's for a few reasons: 1) The Shark doesn't live with us anymore. In his teen years he got a little (sometimes a Lot) testy and not always that fun to be around, but overall that kid made life a lot more interesting, and all his funny stuff was fun for me to talk about. 2) The Shark doesn't live with us anymore. Having a kid in the house was energizing in a lot of ways, and the energy got partly channeled into investigating new (or new to me) ideas/things/etc that I then turned around and excitedly told y'all about. Giant clams, ideas for reality shows, slogans for t-shirts: These things and the excitement I felt about them is strangely dissipated of late, and some of that is because there's no longer a kid at home to bounce these things off of and watch the ideas/things come back improved or at least mocked. I mean, there were the seaweed-eating sheep just..what? last week? And I was excited to find out about those, but not as much as if I could also go home and tell the Shark about them and see him sort of digest the information. His absence has left me at loose ends, and I didn't expect it. 3. My focus and interests have shifted over the eight years [holy shit EIGHT YEARS] I've been keeping this diary, yet I still feel pressure to write in the same way and about the same basic stuff I was writing about when I started it. Not pressure from YOU; it's not like y'all are indicating boredom or writing YOU SUCK in my comments, but just pressure in general. I mean, what if one of your favorite bands alluvasudden put out an album that was nothing but reggae-style Black Sabbath covers? Wouldn't you feel confused and maybe a little betrayed? And I don't mean to imply that I'm your favorite diarist or whatever, but if you've been reading here for awhile, you might expect a certain tone and recurring themes or whatnot. I know I do, from diaries I read.
So here's what I've been thinking about. I don't want to stop writing this diary, but I don't really know at this point what I want to write about or how I want to write about it. I'm going to think it over and then return. You may not enjoy my diary anymore after I start writing it again, and I will be sorry to disappoint anyone, but if I'm going to write here it'll have to be about stuff I find interesting, like collectable soup labels and the hours I spend pretending to be a spider.
KIDDING. About ONE of those things. Anyway, as I said, you might not like my diary anymore, and in that case I hope you will feel zero compunction about continuing to read it. I don't intend to be checking my Sitemeter stats or anything like that, so chances are I won't even know if you've stopped reading. If you want me to know you hate me now, you will need to leave a comment along the lines of YOU SUCK, and I will take it under advisement.
All right, lambies. I'm going to be on my little hiatus now, thinking about whatever new direction this diary might take, and then I'll be back. Sorry if this whole thing sounds unbearably self-important. I do realize this is one of only, oh...a grillion diaries/blogs/whatever on the internets, but this is the only one I write, and if I'm going to invest more time in it I want it to be about things I'm excited to talk about.
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