I'm burning someone else's candle
You know those "support your troops/various other people" ribbon decals people put on their minivans and other vehicles? I would really like to make and sell ones that said "support ribbon decal factory owners". I mean, let's start telling the truth for once.
One of my former coworkers dropped by the office today and talked to a few of us for quite a while (meaning, too long). My most irritating coworker was asking her if she missed her son, who's in his second year at college, and said, "It's strange when they go away, because then you're not doing their laundry anymore, or cleaning up after them...". My next-door coworker and I exchanged a glance that clearly communicated, 'what the HELL is she talking about?' If irritating coworker did her kids' laundry and cleaned up after them until they went to college, she's crazier than I thought. Sharky's been doing his own laundry for 4 years at least, and he knows it's not okay to leave his stuff laying around (he also cleans the upstairs bathroom, empties the dishwasher, and takes out the garbage). I think it's absolutely fine to do everything for your kids if your goal for them is that they remain children for the rest of their lives, but if you aspire to have them leave home and live adult lives, you're not doing them any favors as their maid and cook. I know people who are very passionate that their kids should just be kids during childhood and shouldn't have to do any work other than homework, but that drives me crazy, because when will they learn to do life type stuff if not at home? I talk to college students every day who know nothing about being responsible, probably because their parents did everything for them and didn't want them to have to grow up "too soon". Obviously you're not going to have your 4 year old loading the dishwasher or mowing the lawn, but if your kids are not operating the washing machine by the time they're 10, I'm here to tell you you're missing the boat. Feel free to write me hate mail, as I have plenty of free time to answer it.
End of lecture. Turn tape to side B.
Let's talk about food, because today marks one year of my not eating desserts experiment, and I have some things to say. [AtomicFriends might want to skip this, since it will probably be a repeat] First of all, not eating desserts was the greatest idea I've ever had, and I include in that statement my idea of putting up grade school style bulletin boards in public restrooms. I Did tell you about that one, didn't I? GENIUS. Anyway, during this year of not eating desserts, I have finally learned how to feed myself properly, and since I am now 38, that's really saying something. Yesterday one of my coworkers (not irritating coworker) excitedly told some of us she'd heard about a guy who lost 50 pounds on a diet where he eats what he wants but he only eats when he's hungry and he stops eating when he's full. I told her that's called eating like a NORMAL PERSON. Can you believe that's considered a diet?! I have since learned (thanks Ruby!) that this guy was featured in some article on Yahoo, and I really can't believe eating like a regular human being warrants a report, you know?
Dear Normal Eating Guy,
Please tell us more about this strange concept of only eating when you're hungry, as it sounds too good to be true.
PS That was sarcasm, if you couldn't tell.
Don't change the channel, because I have a couple more things to say. Firstly, I'm not making fun of the guy featured in the article, because obviously he's just doing his thing and it's other people freaking out at the novelty of his "diet". Secondly, I think if I hadn't quit desserts, I would still have a completely unhealthy diet and a hate relationship with food instead of a happy love relationship with it. Do you know, when I eat a snack, I feel happy about it? I mean, here I am, AN OVERWEIGHT PERSON IN AMERICA, cheerfully eating a snack to quell my hunger and give my body some fuel, and [can you believe it?] completely heedless of the idea that I "should" starve myself to be a size 0 like that cranky-looking model on the cover of Vogue. It's almost incomprehensible. When people say (and I hear it so often), "I shouldn't have eaten that--I feel so guilty", I can't understand it anymore. I hear the words, but the idea of feeling guilty for eating no longer computes. If a person has a habit of eating unhealthy foods, they should probably be concerned about their heart and maybe bowels, but where is the guilt coming from? It's so strange. During this year I've lost 10 pounds, and I would like to lose more but I'm pretty sure that won't happen until I start moving my ass around a lot more, and on a regular basis. In other words, it's in my power to be thinner and I will take advantage of that, without the "help" of some alleged miracle combination of foods, or dietary supplement, or specific published regimen. Finally, I don't care if I never consume a cookie, brownie, slice of cake, piece of pie, dollop of pudding, bar of chocolate, scoop of ice cream, or thing of candy beans ever again. The End.
How to charm me [I realize this is basically stealing from Dooce, but this is a one-time thing only]: End your email to me with "I have to take a crap now". Extra points if you and I are not genetically or legally related.
Songs of the Day/s:
Abba -- You Owe Me One, at Fluxblog. This is apparently one of the last songs Abba ever recorded--see Fluxblog for details; I don't have a head for, how you say, facts?.
Brad Walsh -- Two of Hearts, at his site. It's possible I've posted this one before--I know I recommended his 'Look at Me' (no longer available)--but his version of Two of Hearts has been in my head off and on for a few days, and now I think it should be in your head too.
Thievery Corporation -- Until the Morning Comes (Kid Loco remix), at Motel de Moka.
SAW--five different songs. I downloaded them all, for they are Good. At Shake Your Fist.
LCD Soundsystem -- Tribulations (Tiga remix), at tmwsiy*.
Agent Simple -- Brother, at Said the Gramophone.
A selection of Iron & Wine and Calexico songs!! At Sixeyes.
That's it for right now, but I'm not done making it up to you yet, Interweb. Fear not.
I'm going home now, and thank dog, because I am Hungry.
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