say I won't


When I was attending my first college (I transferred schools after a couple of years), I had a friend named Gary who I liked very much, though I didn't like him as much as he liked me (in THAT way, you know) and that caused our friendship some problems at times. But when we weren't having friendship problems, Gary was one of the greatest people ever to hang around with. We did the stupidest, most fun things together, and actually Gary did stupid but fun things much of the time, which once resulted in him breaking both of his wrists, but this is not a story about that incident. This is not really a story at all, but just a remembrance of something Gary did that made me laugh Every Single Time. We had a volleyball class together, and at the beginning of the class we all had to pitch in to set up the net. The first day of class, Gary noticed a bundle of what looked like dowels in the closet with the net and volleyballs. They were maybe a couple of feet long and were painted in some way, and I think if we were a volleyball team instead of a volleyball class, some of those dowels would have been attached to the net in some way (I am not a volleyball connoisseur). Anyway, when Gary noticed the sticks, he dubbed them "the faggots", which by the way, is a correct dictionary definition for faggots: "A bundle of twigs, sticks, or branches bound together". That first day, he and Nancy, our volleyball teacher, had the following exchange:

Gary: [holding the sticks aloft] Nancy, do you want the faggots?
Nancy: The WHAT?
Gary: [wiggling the sticks] The FAGGOTS.
Nancy: The faggots??
Gary: [waving the sticks] Yes, the faggots.
Nancy: No!!

Gary offered her the faggots at the beginning of every class, and it gradually shorthanded down to:

Gary: Nancy...
Nancy: NO!!

I think it was mostly the Way he said it that got me, and let me tell you, that was a fun class. Nancy would occasionally make us practice bumping the ball in that inner forearm kind of way (see also: not a volleyball connoisseur), and she would do this by putting us in a corner (one at a time) and throwing volleyballs at us, Hard, one after another. I was okay at this activity for the first two or three balls, but then I would start laughing and would end up in a fetal position, giggling helplessly, while Nancy pelted me with volleyballs. Gary did the exact same thing, so you can see why we got along so well. I have no idea where Gary is now, but our friendship ended on a mysteriously (mysterious to me) bad note, so whatever. Gary, if you're out there, why did you suddenly decide you hated me?? I strongly suspect a misunderstanding.

Hey, Francisco called me this afternoon to say he talked to our vet re: the radiologist consultation that just took place with Esther's x-rays. The radiologist says the lung spots are mineralizations of Esther's bronchi that are normal in cats who have had asthma for such a long time. So the good news is Esther does not have cancer, and that is Really Good news! Francisco then pointed out the bad news, which is that we spent $800 to find out our cat has asthma. Son of a! I'm just glad she doesn't have the cancer. I would Prefer it if vet things didn't cost so much, but Esther is worth every penny, and more.

Today I did two things that made me gleeful.

1) Discovered that the process to request another copy of a student's FAFSA info has changed, so now you have to attach a "request title" to your request (electronic request, on the FAFSA site). I used the subject line of a recent spam message I received and will continue to title all my requests with spam subjects, because it is just too much fun.

2) Registered at Classmates as a former student of the Christian college I attended for a couple of years. The name I registered under is "Bea El-Zabub". Come on, now--how could I NOT do this once I'd thought of it?? I couldn't not do it, that's how. Probably no one will even notice, but it's still cracking me up.

It's supposed to snow and ice again this weekend, starting Saturday evening, so we'll probably stay home most of the weekend again unless this forecast is wrong. Fine by me--I have a lot to do at home, including (I suspect) becoming the Crazy 8s Ultimate Champion of the World. I love playing that card game with Francisco and Boy, because Boy takes every opportunity to trash talk us. An example:

Boy: Why you do that?? I'ma bust a cap in your ass.
Me: Pfft.
Boy: Oh, say I won't, Say I Won't!
Me: You won't.

This is pure junior high trash talking, which is stupid yet oddly compelling. There's plenty more where that example came from; it's pretty funny. Also, Boy has been offering us the use of his fake pistols when we sit down to play. He likes it when we all have guns, a la the poker-playing cowboys of the old west, and he particularly likes to shoot us under the table. I'll tell you, that kid is Good Times; I cannot imagine life without him.

I think this is all I have to tell you today, but I hope you'll have a great weekend.

E |


come over some time & see me - 2011-02-25
let's not say goodbye - 2011-02-23
the Rachel Zoe collection - 2011-02-10
I feel happy today - 2011-02-04
the tiny snow stalker - 2011-01-25

design by simplify