lead on, you stupid junkie-whore

I don't buy very many things I don't need. In fact, I work very hard at not buying things I don't need, because a girl's gotta travel light, ya know? [Yeah, right. When Francisco reads this he's going to laugh his ass off, and then he'll remind me of just how complex and hellish our last move was.] Today I went to the TJ Maxx and I saw, or rather smelled, some shower gel that I could Not pass up. I stood there with it in my hand, remembering how I have an Enormous bar of soap in the shower right now and three soap runners-up in my dresser drawers. I like the smelly-good soap to stay in my drawers and perfume them while it's waiting for its turn in the shower. Anyway, so I don't need the shower gel, but people, it's Essentiel [sic] Elements 'Wake Up Rosemary'. With essential oils, and it's camphor-y and I accidentally got some on my finger when I was closing the bottle (post appreciative sniff) and it made my finger warm for a few seconds. Plus it was only $3.99, so duh, I bought it. And even though it was inexpensive and not a big deal at all, I feel sort of guilty for buying it when I have a king-sized soap in the shower and 3 soaps in waiting. Because deep down inside my soul, I am a Mennonite, and we secret Mennonites do not buy shower gel if we have several bars of perfectly good and aromatic soap in the house already.

While I was at the TJ Maxx, also in the store was a woman and her approximately 2 year-old child. The mother and child were Korean, I believe, and the mother was talking to the child in Korean (or what I think was Korean). The child was whining, and it was not in English, but I knew exactly what she was saying. "I want to get out of the cart! I'm hungry! I'm not happy in a very basic and rudimentary way!" I don't know why, but I found it comforting that whining is its own universal language.

This morning I got up late and walked on our new home treadmill, and while I was on there I realized that the man who used to play the dentist, Tim Whatley, on Seinfeld is the same actor who now plays Hal on Malcolm in the Middle. And this is important to you how? Well, it isn't. I just didn't make that connection until this morning, on the treadmill. Too bad I didn't use my brainpower for something more vital.

While I was driving to work today, a line from the final episode of Strangers With Candy came to me unbidden. The line is "Lead on, you stupid junkie-whore." My brain latched onto this line and has repeated it to me frequently throughout the day. I am loving it. If you like Strangers With Candy and saw the final episode, you'll know what I'm talking about. I think it's the delivery of the line that made it so good.

Today I figured out a strategy for not hating all of mankind: I am going to pretend that I am the Queen of Everyone, and not an evil queen like that one from Sleeping Beauty. I'm going to pretend that I am a queen like Glenda, good witch of the North and that everyone I encounter is one of my subjects. Because I am a Good Queen, I will be kind to those who do stupid things while driving or who are blocking the aisle at the supermarket. I will rise above these things in a royal way, and will consider anything that goes the way it should to be a personal favor to me from my loyal subjects. I know this sounds like a bad and stupid idea, and please note that I don't think I'm Better than other people. My problem is that people have a way of irritating me on a hyper-regular basis and if I don't find a way to deal with the irritation, I'm going to pop a blood vessel or go completely insane and have to be institutionalized.

Also, I need to buy shoes. I haven't bought new shoes for months and months (see paragraph one), and I need them. I figure I'll buy new shoes now so that that purchase is out of the way by the time I need to buy new clothes for the smaller me. This is only my second week on Body for Life, but I am seeing some changes already. I am So going to need new clothes. I still own clothes in smaller sizes that I can wear when I am smaller, but those clothes are a couple years old and some are looking a little dated. I am really looking forward to the shopping.

You are all my homies.

Love,

E

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cats-kittens

come over some time & see me - 2011-02-25
let's not say goodbye - 2011-02-23
the Rachel Zoe collection - 2011-02-10
I feel happy today - 2011-02-04
the tiny snow stalker - 2011-01-25

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