your mama's an astronaut


I think I've figured out the Mystery of the Small Hooks at the salon; it's actually pretty obvious, once I thought about it. It's for women to put their car keys on just before they get their nails painted so they don't have to rummage in their purses afterwards. This does not mean I'm not going to put a tiny coat on there next time, because I so am.

Some guy was here this morning to meet with my boss and some of my coworkers (thankfully not me) and he had a gauze and tape bandage covering the part of his neck that is directly under his chin. I don't know who he is, but that didn't stop me from saying, "Beard transplant?". My boss said some unfunny thing about the guy needing to learn to duck when someone throws a right hook, and I took that opportunity to shimmer away, scot free. Apparently the guy said he had a cyst on his chin, but I think he had chin lyposuction and is too embarrassed to say so.

The only dream I remember from last night is one I remember very vividly, so I am going to talk about it a little. I was an astronaut, along with several members of the tour group from Scotland, and we were blasted up into orbit in a rocket and then came back down later, but they left without me so I had to jump off an asteroid and plummet to the earth alone, where I accidentally splashed down into too shallow of water, but I was somehow unharmed. And then, no one came to pick me up, so I had to start walking back to the astronaut base (dressed only in a long wet t-shirt), until some nice man recognized me as an astronaut and gave me a ride. The base wanted to send me on another mission, but I didn't want to go (hello, they left me in space and no one picked me up after I got back--the nerve!), so it was fortunate that two of the other astronauts got into a fistfight when we were supposed to board the rocket, because the launch got cancelled. I told Francisco about the dream and he thought it was funny, and then at the gym when we were lifting weights together (a bench press), he was encouraging me in my lifting of the weight bar that was heavy enough for me without added weights, and said something like, "That's right--lift it! Lift it like it's a space bar!" Smartass.

You would not believe the spiders we have in our yard. Or maybe you would, if you too have spiders like ours. They're yellow and black garden spiders and they're friggin' UGE. I can't get enough of looking at them and their crazy webs. This morning I walked through the bottom of the web of a different kind of spider (much flailing ensued), and because it was mostly dark (5:45 in the a.m.) I couldn't see what kind of spider it was, but I could see it was even bigger than the garden spiders. Fortunately it didn't get in my hair, because if it had, I wouldn't be here right now. Instead I would be at home, having immediately "taken to my bed" (well, immediately after the removal of the spider) after the incident with a large bottle of gin. I imagined, though, that the spider had spun that web just for me. That it was sitting there watching as I approached, thinking, "That's right...closer....a little closer....oooh, she's a big one; I'll be eating good today....Curses! Foiled again!"

But speaking of taking to ones bed, wouldn't that be nice? I've never done that, but the next time something really, really upsets me, I'm definitely taking to my bed. Gin or no gin. I should probably put together a rich person bed outfit, to have at the ready, just in case. I'm thinking of something in champagne satin, with a matching gin cozy. Too much?

It's raining and thundering like crazy here right now, and I hope it stops before I leave work, because I get nervous about being struck by lightning. Not in love with getting soaked either, but at least that's not dangerous.

I need to continue that work plan, from yesterday.


E |


come over some time & see me - 2011-02-25
let's not say goodbye - 2011-02-23
the Rachel Zoe collection - 2011-02-10
I feel happy today - 2011-02-04
the tiny snow stalker - 2011-01-25

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