I reckon I might well be in
Hey, it's Minired's birthday today--go wish her a good one! Woo!
Today someone came here through a google search for "Ann's ass portfolio", and someone else googled through on "humpmyleg". Gentle readers, you are clearly in very odd company.
Last night during dinner we watched Monday's episode of The Assistant, and people, it's been a long, long time since tv made me laugh like that. When Andy was extinguishing the torches and "accidentally" caught the bushes on fire, Boy and I were practically pissing ourselves. Andy Dick is so funny on this show, and though it sounds crazy, I think he must be a much better actor than he gets credit for, because he's totally tricking the "contestants" into thinking he's serious when he couldn't possibly be serious. Truly, you should be watching that show.
I got my hair cut today and it's quite a bit shorter-feels good. On my way to the appointment I was listening to WXDU and they played some song in Spanish that kind of weirded me out. The reason I was weirded out is because I used to understand quite a lot of Spanish, from having taken it in high school, and now I don't (due to non-use), except that I think I didn't really forget it; that it's just sort of locked away somewhere in my brain. If this theory is true, there is some part of my brain that was understanding that song, and that's bizarre. I mean, I did understand enough to know that it was about cockroaches and smoking marijuana (no, seriously), and I caught a few words here and there, but hello Spanish Department, buzz the main office, por favor.
At the salon I saw two things that were new. 1) A sign that said NO CELLPHONES (this is good, because I wouldn't want the delicate salon instruments to be thrown off, which could cause the salon to crash), and 2) A row of little hooks on the wall next to the three steps down into the manicure area. I stared at those hooks for a minute, because my first thought was that if I had a tiny coat (like, Barbie doll sized) I could hang it there. My next thought was that I have Got to get a Barbie coat before I get my next haircut, because it would really crack me up to check in at the desk and then hang a little coat on one of those hooks. I'm SO going to do that.
That actually just made me remember a time when Francisco, Boy, and I went to dinner at a nearby brew-pub, and of course I had a beer or two and so was a tiny bit loopy after dinner. The loopiness caused me to misspeak, when we'd left the restaurant, and tell the Boy to "Get in the coat", instead of get in the car. That was probably 3 years ago, and of course the kid still brings it up, strategically. We're trying to teach the Boy things, to equip him for his adult life, but I fear the lesson he's learning most often is how to be a complete smartass. Also, he's pretty good at doing laundry.
My brain is stuck on lyrics from The Streets 'A Grand Don't Come for Free' album. This morning when I woke up I became aware that the words "I saw this thing on ITV the other week, Said, that if she played with her hair, she's probably keen. She's playin with her hair, well regularly, So I reckon I could well be in". Many hours later, it's still going, as a kind of background music I can mostly tune out. Yesterday there were different Streets lyrics in my head, from the 'Original Pirate Material' album, but it's not too surprising, because I'm pretty fixated on The Streets lately. That kid is amazing.
Oh, but can I say just one other thing about the salon? I want to say that the guy who runs the front desk of the salon always greets me by name, and I find that gratifying even though I know he gets it from the appointment calendar and isn't actually remembering me from before. I guess I should find out his name, yeah? Because then he might really start remembering my name, out of surprise that I knew his. Except he's probably going to remember my name for real after next time anyway, since he'll remember me for hanging up the tiny coat. I truly can hardly wait to do that.
I've gotten so little work done today. I've been thinking about lists I could submit to McSweeney's, and also about sestinas for McSweeney's. I've never written a sestina, but it seems like something that would be pleasantly challenging, and a good way to pass the time on airplanes, etc. I decided this morning before work that what I need to strive for in my job for the rest of the time I have it is getting my work done as quickly and efficiently as possible, so as to spend the rest of my time at work in writing various things. I think this is a good goal, and a fantastic way to stick it to The Man. And if there's anyone I want to stick it to, it's The Man--The Man being my assy boss. Do you know what he did this morning? I could've killed him. His assistant has a bullhorn she borrowed from the athletic department (don't ask) and he saw it and snuck it around the office at, like, 9 a.m., setting off the siren at people, to scare them. Everyone was pissed but had to tolerate it. I have now hidden the bullhorn where he is unlikely to find it, and this is for his protection just as much as for ours. I hate him so much this week. I have vicious pms.
Gotta get started on that whole doing my work thing.
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