vulgar feline behavior
The past few days, a frequent sight in our yard and cul-de-sac has been one of the outside cats we've been feeding (one of the kittens who isn't a kitten anymore) searching frantically for a good lay. She's always out there, prowling around doggedly (oh the irony!), pausing to let out some pleading "I'm horny!" cat yowls, and let me tell you, that cat can wail. She saves her best yowling material until the bars are all closed, and then she really extends herself, reaching for higher and higher notes, louder and louder volume. I am about to give her an award--a plaque or statuette, or something I will design, called The Golden Crunchies--for her achievement in the field of lustful feline wailing. I will hurl this award at her as she's yowling up our yard at 3 am and hope it hits its mark. She is a total slut; a ho-bag and a nymphomaniac. Lucy and Esther are appalled--they can't believe her total lack of comportment, and they stiffen in outrage every time they hear her out there, advertising her wares.
I hope it's obvious that if we could've caught this cat, we would've, and would've had her spayed, but since she has always been skittish and uncatchable, she is surely going to conceive kittens, and we will surely feed them. I've seen our neighbor's cat out a lot lately too, and I think he's a boy. I have no idea if he's been neutered, but if not, some of those kittens will be orange like him, and some will be charcoal grey, like her. If he hasn't been neutered and the proof is in the kittens, I will speak to our neighbor about getting those fuzzy testicles cut clean off, because the world does not need more feral cats, and the ones that Can be sterilized, Should be.
I have spoken.
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