tricksy and false


I feel terrible. I bought some ant traps for the kitchen (we've had an ongoing and persistent ant problem) and they actually worked this time (had previously bought a different brand, which did nothing). We watched ants going in and out of the traps, taking that poison back to their nest, and I felt so guilty. The ants were really bugging me and I wanted them out of my kitchen, but inasmuch as an ant can seem excited about something, those ants seemed so excited about the "food" in the ant traps. Like, "yay! food! this is so great!", so I feel like a big jerk, tricking them into their own deaths. I think I've mentioned before that killing bugs makes me have this little flashback "vision" of myself killing the bug in question, and then the point of view pans back and up, farther and farther, until I see there's a huge person watching, who saw me kill the bug, and he readies his big thumb to squash me like I squashed the bug, or something. I hasten to tell you that this big person is not god, because I don't believe in a god, per se, but what if we're all bugs on someone else's counter and we don't know it? What if I'm walking down the street next week and there's a bakery giving away free loaves of bread, so I take one home but it turns out it wasn't a bakery at all but was a people trap and the bread is poison? Probably it goes without saying at this point, but it's entirely possible I'm a little crazy. Usually I try to keep these kinds of thoughts to myself, but I'm feeling confessional today.

Segue to:

My uterus is making me cranky. This month it has deviated from its normal routine [TMI! TMI!] of doing nothing...doing nothing...and then suddenly bursting forth with a menstrual flow the volume of which never fails to make me think, "If you can't swim, get out of the way". No, this month it has treated me to 3 days (so far) of light spotting and a little half-hearted cramping, and I keep thinking today, surely, will be the day it bursts forth, but so far today, no dice. And don't tell me I'm pregnant, because Prof had a vasectomy 5 1/2 years ago, and though those have been known to spontaneously reverse themselves (the vas ends find each other again in the nutsack and swear never to be apart again), it's really quite rare. I think, actually, my thyroid meds are a little off lately (insomnia, etc) and this is just one more side-effect. Though that didn't keep me from googling about spontaneous vasectomy reversal stats (anwhere from 1 in 1000 to 1 in 3000, apparently) earlier today after the smell of someone's cheese dip made me really nauseous. I just know the bursting forth will happen any minute now. Tap tap tap.

I don't know what I'm going to do this weekend. I need to take some work home, so I'll do that on Sunday, and Francisco and I want to take a walk tomorrow, but that's about all I know for sure I'll be doing. Otherwise I'll probably choose one or two other things from my huge list of ongoing projects and work on those. The long-unmentioned Altoid tin project is not dead, btw, and I have plans to get that going soon, but I need to get that damn website fixed up first--that is my goal. You really should see my project list--it's all over the place.

This afternoon I need to finish writing documentation of some of my procedures at work (this is killing me--I'm not a procedure-documenting type of person), so I'd best get to it. Have a great weekend, y'all.

E |


come over some time & see me - 2011-02-25
let's not say goodbye - 2011-02-23
the Rachel Zoe collection - 2011-02-10
I feel happy today - 2011-02-04
the tiny snow stalker - 2011-01-25

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