low-grade spring fevers


Hello Friends. Again, I haven't been posting because all I have to talk about is being unwell, and the doctors I've seen, and the tests I've had done. BORING. In addition, I've been feeling some pretty major depression, and I am so sorry for those of you who have a biological tendency toward depression, because this is new for me and it is BAD. I've been fortunate to have a fairly buoyant temperament--things have never really gotten me down for long--so I am at sea as far as how to deal with so much depression. Something that has made the depression worse (I think) was that I was afraid to eat much food, so I wasn't. I have no idea how many calories I was eating a day, but probably not much more than 800. This surely contributed to my feelings of depression, right? What's weird for me is that my hunger response has changed. When I feel that my stomach is empty, most of the time I feel no corresponding urgency to do anything about it. It can growl and growl and I barely even notice it. I've lost 10 pounds over the last few weeks, and it would be disingenuous to pretend to lament my lost weight and oh please come back ten pounds I miss you so much. I don't miss it, but I would put it all back on right this second if my health problems would go away. Shit, I'd add TWENTY pounds if I could feel normal again. Who can I speak to about this bargain? A couple days ago I started making an effort to eat more food, and [shocker] I no longer feel quite so depressed. I hope the upward trend continues. Fingers crossed!

Today at 11:00 I see an internal medicine specialist. As I mentioned in my last update, Doctor was all ready to diagnose me with IBS [which I've since come to see as a bullshit diagnosis and I cannot accept it], but then, on 4/24, I made a visit to the E.R. after a day of steadily worsening pain in the exact place where my appendix is. It Wasn't my appendix (they did a CT scan), but I guess Doctor thought more investigation was warranted. I had to provide more poo samples, and this time I had vials of liquid into which I had to deposit and mix my poo, and I will tell you, it was a pretty nasty process. He was testing for amoebic infection, and that turned out negative. He's sending me to this dude today with the idea that the dude will schedule me for a colonoscopy, and okay, I will have that if new dude thinks it's necessary, but I also plan to ask new dude to please take over my case and figure out what's wrong. If new dude does the colonoscopy and tells me I have IBS, I will ask for a referral to a naturopath. If THAT doesn't help, I will have no choice but to turn to quacks and charlatans. This is my plan.

Oh, speaking of which, you know the Medical Intuitive I went to see? She is NOT a quack OR a charlatan, at least not in my opinion. I've seen her three times now and will see her once more, this Thursday. It's difficult to describe what she does, but it's kind of like a mixture of massage and talk therapy, and I have found it tremendously helpful in trying to deal with my situation (I say this even though I have concurrently been experiencing the depression--I think if I wasn't seeing her I would have been even More depressed). I would recommend her to anyone who could keep an open mind about the hippy stuff, because there IS a lot of hippy stuff. I want to say it's all chakras and whale noises, because that statement is funny to me, but really it's just a lot more than that. Two respectful thumbs up for medical intuitives.

Okay, I need to do some work now. Say hello to your mother for me.




come over some time & see me - 2011-02-25
let's not say goodbye - 2011-02-23
the Rachel Zoe collection - 2011-02-10
I feel happy today - 2011-02-04
the tiny snow stalker - 2011-01-25

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