where there's smoke there's crazy
I wish I knew why I'm having so much trouble sleeping lately. The minute I lay down my brain goes into worry mode and points out all the things I might have to potentially worry about, either soon or in like 40 years. After two minutes of this I'm practically rigid with anxiety, but the root of the anxiety is still a mystery. It's starting to really get to me. Last night it took a long time to get to sleep (unsurprisingly) and after I finally did I had an extremely real dream that I was awake and saw smoke pouring in through our open bedroom window. I woke Francisco up and told him there was smoke and he was probably panicked for a few seconds until he realized there was no smoke and that I am crazy. Poor guy; he has put up with so many of my dream-related nighttime shenanigans over the years. Even after I realized there was no smoke I was shaking from the adrenaline of the dream and it again took a long time to go back to sleep. So imagine, if you will, how pleased I was to drag my tired ass to work this morning and discover that all but two counselors (me included) are on vacation today and that I had lots of extra Desk time to do. The answer is not very. I've begun to think there's no way I can do this job long term, no matter how much I like the people I work with. In some ways the interdependence of the office is nice, but mostly it's a huge pain in the ass because people are so frequently gone. I hate the idea of leaving the office in a lurch or anything, but I think I need to start looking for a new job here at the university, and fortunately I'm in a pretty good position to do that--I can stick it out here for as long as it takes to get a job that's a really good fit for me, so that's my plan for now.
My pulled back muscle still hurts. I knew you'd want an update on that situation, and you. are. welcome.
This weekend I got a pretty good amount of stuff done, but I also, in the absence of Sharky, watched the television *I* like to watch. For the first time in a long time I watched Trading Spaces, as my interest in home improvement has been renewed, now that we're in the market for a house. I also watched some gardening shows, and specifically I watched an episode of Gardening by Design that boggled my mind a tiny bit. There was a couple with a large, but not huge, backyard, and their budget for the overhaul of it was [wait for it] $50,000. Holy effing ess! $50,000??? That is some crazy money. I can see what their money got spent on (small water wheel, playhouse with stained glass windows, tiny in-ground pool for their kids, massive stone barbecue/bar area, etc), but when I think about what I, personally, could do in a backyard for $50,000, it's like a brain overload. It's possible I have an overinflated sense of my own effectiveness, but I don't think so.
I have a line from Arrested Development stuck in my head that is my only source of amusement today. It was said by the mom, and out of context it won't make sense, but that's just too bad: "Everybody's riding and laughing and corn holing except Buster."
Another thing that's adding to the quality of my day is having this little beauty hanging in my office:
I have grown to love black velvet paintings; there are few things kitschier. I plan to start a collection.
Goodnight lovies, talk to you later.
design by simplify