out of these shadows comes a life


Wow am I cranky today. I woke up at almost 2:00 and couldn't go back to sleep for a long time, because my brain started bringing all my past mistakes and embarrassing moments to my attention and didn't want to stop. "Remember this one? Oh man, that was excruciating. Or how about this one? Hoo boy, some excellent cringing there." Fantastic. Eventually I was able to return to sleep, but there's a special quality to the tiredness when it's caused by the Early Morning Hours Slideshow of Horrors, you know? It's a tiredness flavored by regret and self-loathing. Awesome! Still, I wasn't cranky until I got to work and had to deal with a coworker who won't be named but who would be costing me a lot of money if that had been a real bet I'd been proposing yesterday. It's nothing new with that person; it's just that when I'm well rested I can more easily put up with his bullshit. Anyway, as I write, the work day is almost over, and during lunch I accomplished the second out of this week's three goals, so that feels pretty good. I just have to go to the gym tomorrow morning (already on the agenda) to finish up that third goal, and then I can think of what next week's goals will be. I think probably they should be a little more difficult or at least more numerous, because the ones this week were pretty good but I think I can do more, especially since I'll have a weekend at the end of next week to utilize as well, which I don't have this week.

Just overheard: "I'm outta here!! I'm going to the west side [Seattle]. I'm going to a supper club to see Grandmaster Flash." It's that last statement that gets me.

Sharky wanted to wait to go out for his birthday until tonight (and he chose the new Chinese restaurant--All You Can Eat is very important to a teenage boy), so last night Francisco made pasta with white clam sauce and bought him an ice cream cake from Baskin Robbins. For his gift, instead of getting him a few things or that hoodie he wanted, which Francisco found and said is hideous, we gave him $120, fanned out on a plate under his cake plate. He also got money from his grandparents and feels very wealthy. We knew there was a chance he would spend it all immediately on some flashy soccer cleats he's been wanting but which we refused to buy because they're too expensive, but he has wisely decided against them. He IS going to buy some cleats that are still more than we want to pay (they're more than he needs) but which are less expensive and most likely better anyway, and he'll have a decent amount left over to spend on the girl he has a big crush on. The details on the crush need a whole new paragraph.

We have not met her (this crush is brand new, or at least is newly being pursued) but Francisco saw her Myspace page and said she is 15 and very pretty. Sharky seems quite smitten, which worries me because I don't want him to get his heart broken again. It seems pretty likely to happen, as her family are migrant workers who alternate between someplace in Texas and our area of Washington--at some point she'll be leaving for Texas and it's looking like a portion of Sharky's heart will be going with her. It's crossed my mind to wonder if it's coincidence or not that the two times he's been thoroughly smitten have involved girls with which there is little chance anything will work out. The first time was when he fell for the girl in NC one short week before we moved to WA, and now this. I'm going to assume it's coincidence this time, but if it happens again then I just don't know what.

A few minutes ago I took off my wedding and engagement rings and put them in my messenger bag, because my left ring finger is the main one with the arthritis and the middle joint is noticeable more swollen today. I was looking at it and started getting worried it would swell more, making my rings impossible to remove, and there's something about the idea of that which makes me uneasy. And it's NOT because I'm gonna want a divorce, smartass, because that will never happen--I just don't want my rings stuck on my finger and constricting it or something. That just....bothers me to think about. I'm claustrophobic; maybe it's related.

Haven't started drinking the tablespoons of oil yet, because I didn't know how I was going to do it sneakily at work where people are nosy, but I think I've got that figured out and I'll start on Monday. I Would start this weekend except we're going to Seattle tomorrow for that beach theme party and are staying over for the Baby Frances/Sharky birthday party on Sunday. I Could do the oil but I think I'd just rather wait until I'm on my home turf, especially in case the oil consumption has unintended consequences. YOU know.

I thought I had something else to tell you but I can't think of it now and I want to post this. In closing, these feet:

i love these feet

Amelie's of course. *sniffle*




come over some time & see me - 2011-02-25
let's not say goodbye - 2011-02-23
the Rachel Zoe collection - 2011-02-10
I feel happy today - 2011-02-04
the tiny snow stalker - 2011-01-25

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