do not attempt to win the battle who sees worst
Recently I saw a commercial that was utterly appalling; maybe you've seen it. It is a series of people (in black and white--fade in, fade out, fade in, etc) and the words are saying "It's not your hairstyle......it's not your laugh....it's not your clothes.......it's not your car.....it's not your sense of humor.....[blah blah blah, on and on]" finishing with "it's your watch". What it's saying is people don't judge you by the other things named, they judge you by the watch you wear. Your WATCH. Come the fuck on. Do they honestly expect even one person to swallow that horseshit? I thought it was a joke the first time, but no--it was the real deal. Personally? I don't even notice other people's watches, and I doubt many people do, unless they have some kind of watch fetish. We shall see by how many google hits this entry gets, for "watch fetish". Idiot advertisers. That does not include Andreas Novak, by the way; just all the others.
I took the mall by storm yesterday, and by that I mean I went in, bought all the gifts I needed, and was still back at the office within an hour, even with stopping on the way back to get gas. I rule. Everything is wrapped already, too, and the long-distance stuff will be going out tomorrow--clearly I have made Christmas my bitch this year. I'm so excited for my parents and Francisco's mom to arrive; I think it's going to be really fun.
Can I tell you something that is completely petty and ridiculous? Yes? Is that a yes? Good. When people talk to me about how bad their eyes are, and insist that their eyes are worse than mine, I get really cranky. Because my eyes are about as bad as eyes can get before the owner of the eyes buys a white cane and a seeing eye dog. The last time I had my prescription done? The lenses in the machine ran out--they got to the end of the lenses when they were doing the "which is better, one? or two? one? or two?" thing. People are likely to say things like, "Oh I'm so blind--without my glasses I can't even see what time it is on the wall clock", and I'm thinking, yeah well, I can't even see there's a wall, let alone a clock. If I want to read without my lenses or glasses, I have to hold the book about 3 inches from my face and close one eye--True Story. I don't know why I get so annoyed when people talk to me about their "blindness", exactly, except if there's one thing I have truly excelled at all my life, it's not seeing things, and ain't Nobody going to take that away from me. I'm the Queen of the Legally Blind, and don't you forget it, you rank amateurs with your silly little -8 eyes. If your eyes ever get to a -16, Then we'll talk blindness.
Something I learned today when driving is that it's just as effective and more satisfying to stick your tongue out at someone as it is to give them The Finger. As long as they can see you, which if they can't then both The Tongue and The Finger are useless anyway. Right? Try The Tongue; it's better. The burrito I went out to get at lunch (when I learned this recent lesson) was delicious and I just thought you ought to know. Plus, the girl who rang up my purchases fell in love with my Rocky Horror Picture Show recordpurse (a gift from Minired) and went on and on about it. A little too long, actually, so that I was sort of edging away from the register, trying to wrap it up, because she was telling stories about her past obsession with the movie and I needed to get back to the office. Nice girl, though; cute hat.
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