I am such a ho-tard
I'm really quite cranky right now. Didn't sleep very well because I was cold and poor Esther kept coughing, and then couldn't have coffee or breakfast this morning because I knew I'd be getting my cholesterol tested. I left my doctor's office at about 11:45 and I'm sucking down the diet coke with lime for all I'm worth. Must get that caffeine, you know. The appointment itself was pretty good except my desire to weep was out in full force, as it sometimes is when I see a doctor. I guess there's still some work to be done on that phobia after all. Anyway, she was asking me how I am, whilst administering the various examinations, and she asked how I cope with my job stress. I realized at that moment that I haven't really been coping with it at all this year, other than drinking too much and using escapism, via movies and the internet, and I think we can all agree that drinking and escapism are not coping strategies, yes? So I told her I'm not coping well, and to my shame I wept a little, and she asked some questions that I perceived as a precursor to telling me I'm depressed, so I pre-empted her and told her I'm not depressed and I think depression is the new hysterical uterus. She laughed and said she didn't think I was depressed, but that stress is a precursor for depression and figuring out how to cope will head depression off at the pass. I know she's right, and I will work harder to actually cope with stress instead of drinking wine and ignoring it. I feel a little funny about saying that I've been drinking too much, because I know my friends and family will be worried, but the thing is, my 'too much' is smaller than other people's 'too much'. When I say too much I mean that I will have one or two drinks in an evening, 5 days a week at the Most. I'm mainly wanting to cut this down because I don't think it's good for my liver, not because I think I'm an alcoholic. In fact, I think if I said I was an alcoholic, it would be an insult to alcoholics everywhere, because they are surely working harder in their drinking than I ever will. So nobody needs to worry, but I still plan to replace some of those cocktails with things that will actually help, such as making some funny t-shirts, finally. For real this time--this weekend I will be making funny t-shirts. And not working! I can hardly wait to not work this weekend.
I have a headache that's been hanging on since last night, and the caffeine is not helping. I'm going to take some pills for it, but I hadn't already because I have no idea how painkillers effect cholesterol count (or if they do), and I really want my cholesterol to be normal this time. I want this for my overall healthiness, but I also want it because I don't want to have to actively DO anything about the cholesterol. So I didn't take Advil, and I didn't even use lip balm this morning, though I'm feeling a little chapped, because I don't know what's in that stuff, and I am Not going to take the cholesterol fall for lip balm.
This is a boring entry, I know, but I blame the headache--I'm having some trouble with my brain right now. A bus just went by outside and it said 'HOTARD' on it. I'm thinking I need to start calling people hotards, as in "you ho-tard". It's a made up word, but I think it communicates a lot.
Taking pills now.
Love and kisses,
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