my body and I are like this


I've been thinking about my body lately, and I'm sure you have too, so let's talk.


Mainly what I've been thinking is that I'm less unhappy with my body now than I've ever been, even when I was pretty skinny. When I was skinny(ish) I felt that if I could just improve certain areas of myself (thighs, mainly) by starving off maybe 5 or 10 pounds, I would look almost perfect--in clothes, anyway. So there was always this low-level discontent (and hungriness) due to being so close to near [clothed] perfection and not reaching it, but at this point there isn't a hope in hell that I will look perfect in clothes, ever, so I never have to have those thoughts anymore. I still want to lose some weight, but not with the goal of fitting into a size 6 or anything; I just want to be lighter so I have more stamina and the swiftness of a gazelle. I'm not going to say I want to be lighter to be healthier, because you know what: I'm pretty fucking healthy already, if you sort of ignore this recent gall bladder/pancreas stuff (still a bother but not too bad). I eat a very healthy diet and I exercise and walk or bike to work, so the only improvement I would make would be to increase the amount and duration of my exercise, and I am working on that. I am also working on keeping the fat consumption down, because if my diet has a problem area, that's it. I like cheese and I like nuts, and those things are not as healthy for you as you might think--go figure, right? So anyway, what I am trying to say with all this blather is, I have signed a peace treaty with the body, and we are now good friends. I'm 40.

The town is a'hoppin! It's rodeo and fair weekend and there are people everywhere. I'm sort of nervous, for the first time ever, to ride my bike home from work, because of how much more traffic there is, especially since a lot of the people in town for the rodeo or fair are unfamiliar with the streets and etc. I will be super careful. The only firm plans we have for this weekend is to see Xtreme Bulls tomorrow night with Twyla, and to pull out the snap peas and fava beans so we can plant spinach in their place. We will probably go to the fair also, with Twyla, Inti, and the girls, but that plan isn't 100% for sure yet; it's up to them.

Francisco is on his way home, so I'm going home too. I've been working a little late here and there, recently, due to the crapload of things that need to get done and the number of people by which we're understaffed. But I'm finished now.




come over some time & see me - 2011-02-25
let's not say goodbye - 2011-02-23
the Rachel Zoe collection - 2011-02-10
I feel happy today - 2011-02-04
the tiny snow stalker - 2011-01-25

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