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fingernails made entirely of cuticles 2004-01-14 I hate my cuticles. They just want to grow and grow and I swear if I didn't take steps to tame them they'd be longer than my actual fingernails. They're stubborn, too; very clingy and hard to push back. That one time I had the manicure (last year) the manicurist was clearly struggling not to let her horror of my cuticles show in her facial expression--I know just how she feels. Okay, so, I've had a hard past few days. Not hard in terms of stuff I've been doing, but just mentally very wearing. It was one part pms, one part not feeling well, and one part fear about not feeling well. See, ever since I found out about the autoimmune thing that killed my thyroid (and might at some point move on to attacking other organs) I've been trying not to actively worry. But getting some kind of mystery illness (the cold I thought I was getting still hasn't developed, but the sore throat remains and my body is tired) that won't get worse or go away makes (as Anne Lamott says in one of her books) the "jungle drums start beating" in my head. I've been pmsing, I've been sick...ish, and as a result, I've been more mentally ill than usual. Then last night that stupid sacroiliac joint started aching again, just two days after I optimistically removed the cold pack from the freezer, and it's just getting to be a little much. I am not soliciting sympathy here, I swear--I am just reporting things as they are, and the way they are is a bit shaky at the moment. But I at least know that I'll be okay, at some point in the near future. The pms is gone (or should be--I think it's taking longer to depart than usual) and the joint did not get worse overnight, and I'm trying to get rest and drink lots of water and head stress off at the pass. For the stress, yesterday at work I made a list of all the things that need to get done soon, and it made me feel better, because having all those post-its on my desk and emails in my in-box to remind me of what needs to be done were just making me feel overwhelmed. I got to delete things and throw post-its away, and I feel more in control. Having only the one list is, I think, a much better way to run a business, not that I am actually "running" anything, let alone a business. Also we have started back on the Schwarzbein eating plan, full force, and I know I will feel better in a few days, just from being better nourished. So there you go--all that creepy shit I try not to say, about feeling a little bit crazy, is here for all to read, and all I can say is, I'm shaking it, boss. I'm shaking it. We didn't go to Tae Kwon Do on Monday, since I wasn't feeling up to it and Francisco had to go to his college library. I feel kind of flaky for not going, but we'll go next Monday, barring any insurmountable difficulties. And last night Francisco went to his shooting thing, after making dinner for me and the Boy (what a wonderful man I married), and Boy played video games while I read Anne Lamott's latest, 'Blue Shoe'. That book has been out for awhile but I was only just able to get it from my library, because it's been in high demand. I'm really enjoying it so far. Uch, my throat hurts. I didn't keep track of how many 20 ounce glasses of water I've had today at work but it's either 4 or 5, and I would've had another one if I wasn't too lazy to go downstairs and get it. The water just feels too good on my throat, and of course I've had to make the bathroom my second home today, as a result. Charming. Going home now--whee! Love,
come over some time & see me - 2011-02-25 |
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