|
Psst! Please pass the little smokies! 2001-03-23 Okay. [trying to calm myself] Sometimes I will see a product advertised on the television that is so bad, so heinously awful, that it takes my breath away. I gasped over the Billy Bass, I was appalled by the Flowbie, but this latest product tops them all. Are you ready? Oh my god, I am so excited I can hardly type. It's KittyFun Barbie! I thought it was a joke at first, but no, it's totally real. Here's the deal. Barbie has a cat and has toys for it and all that, like a string thing to play with the cat and I think one of her hands is in a grippy position to hold said string thing. But. The real capper, the thing that took my breath away, is this: The cat has a litter box with small clumping litter, and if you squeeze the cat, it pees (presumedly you have to fill it with water first). You squeeze it and it pees in the box and the litter clumps and there is a little scoop that Barbie can use to scoop the fake cat piss out. You think I'm making this up, don't you. Well I'm not, I saw it on television last night--it totally pays to watch Nickelodeon sometimes. Can you believe it? Can you believe that little girls will get this KittyFun Barbie and spend time squeezing the cat and scooping water piss from a tiny litter box with a tiny scooper? I love this concept so much I think I might buy one. I could keep it at work and when people come to see me I could invite them to scoop a little mini-pee clump from the litter. I think that would make me really popular. I went out at lunch just now to rent some movies, and as I was walking into the video store, an SUV in the parking lot was playing music with the bass turned so high that the whole thing was rattling. Like, buzzing with bass. Here's a tip: When your vehicle has become a giant vibrator, that's too much bass. And yes, I will be returning those videos to the correct place. Smartass. I'm eating a roast beef sandwich for lunch today, and I'm being very stealthy about it. See, my boss thinks I'm a vegetarian because I was one 3 1/2 years ago when I started working here. After I started eating meat again I saw no reason to update him, but everyone else I work with knows I eat meat now. They are in collusion with me over the meat issue, and I love that. If we have potlucks (and we sometimes do) I will eat meatless things as long as my boss is present but when he leaves the room I scarf the meat and my coworkers keep a lookout. Did I mention I work with really great people? My boss is very nosy and the fact that I am no longer a vegetarian is just the kind of thing he would love to know. His nosiness makes it So Satisfying to withhold the information. Heh. I have a bird feeder on my window at work and the next two offices on the front of the building also have bird feeders, so we're like a bird buffet. This morning I saw a goldfinch on my feeder and I had to pause to watch it. I love goldfinches so much, because they're gorgeous. I also love cardinals for the same reason. But this morning I was thinking that it's silly for me to prefer the goldfinches just because they're so much prettier than other birds. All birds have the same worth and just because some types stand out for being flashy doesn't mean they're better. The goldfinches and cardinals are like the supermodels of the bird world. Last night Francisco and I were laying in bed reading and I heard his stomach make some odd, loud digestive noises. I was kind of amused by that, but then My stomach made some noises, and then his did, and then mine did. Would you believe we turned to each other and said, at exactly the same time, "Deep calls to deep." We have some sort of weird Vulcan mind-meld; it's great. I have so many good things to watch this weekend. I got four movies at the video store--2 for us to watch with The Boy, and 2 for grownups only. No, not porn, just R-rated. And last night--I am so happy about this--I recorded the Frank DeCaro pre-Oscar special that was on Comedy Central. The ads for it made it look really funny. He was wearing a MuMu and he had a volleyball with fake eyelashes and a kind of turban thing. At one point he lit a cigarette and then turned to the volleyball and said, "Look Wilson; I made fire". Another time he said to it, "You were so much more fun when you drank." He is a brilliantly funny man, and I am SO looking forward to watching that Oscar thing. In other weekend plans, I think this is the weekend when I will finally endeavor to get the uglyass wallpaper off the kitchen walls. It's the last wallpaper in the house (removed two bathrooms worth previously), and since it's the biggest area I saved it until last. I wish the former owners hadn't been so hot about wallpaper. I am going to paint that kitchen a gorgeous bright yellow when I'm done, and that will be light years better than the ugly green and white vertical stripe. Stupid Kmart Martha Stewart wallpaper. Well, work calls (it is a shrewish harridan, sucking my will to live), so I will bid you farewell until next week. Have a wonderful weekend and if you want you can sign my guestbook, because I really love when people do that. I would like to formally invite 3com.com to sign the guestbook, because he or she seems to be a regular visitor and it would be cool to see who that is. Love to you all, ma petite chou chous,
come over some time & see me - 2011-02-25 |
design by simplify
