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Remorse, Valentine's Day, high school trauma 2001-02-15 Okay, I am worried that Mary Chen has been frightened by all the adoration she has been getting--from me and from others. I know one other person who coincidentally emailed her the same day I did (see several entries back) to tell her how great she is and that there's a thread about her on the forum at www.atomictonic.com. I also told Mary Chen that day that I had forwarded the url for her "Hazard Light-Equipped Vigilante Traffic Justice Dispenser" entry to Tom and Ray, the Car Talk guys. And she hasn't updated since then. This is perhaps coincidental but maybe she's bothered by the amount of attention she got, all at once (and probably is still getting, since her diary is the best), and maybe it's making her not want to update. I hope that's not it, I hope she is just busy with work and her new Las Vegas friend, because I don't in any way want to be involved with the cessation of the diary of Chen. I've killed a few things with too much love--goldfish, relationships, sea monkeys--but I could never forgive myself if my love of Mary Chen's diary contributed to her quitting writing. Please Mary Chen, I will never talk about you again! Ever!! To anyone!!! Re: Valentine's Day, I had a pretty good one. Francisco and I are not big into V. Day--we never have been. The first V. Day we knew each other was before we were dating but after we had become interested. I remember he asked me how my Valentine's Day had been, and I said it was fabulous, as I had not been run over by a bus and that was the best I could expect. And so it began. Yesterday though, all we did was I got him a card, and he got me several primrose plants (with flowers), to be put out into the yard after the last frost. I wasn't expecting anything, so that was nice. I was remembering yesterday how much fun V. Day was when I was in elementary school. Like every other grade school kid in the country, I spent some class time in advance of the day making an "inbox" kind of thing for the valentines to come. That was the best part, I loved making the inbox. Getting the valentines was pretty good too; I remember looking through them, hoping to have gotten a good one from a boy I liked. I still have a valentine from the 4th grade, from a kid named Jeff who had been blessed with great artistic ability, and who made his own valentines that year. I had a little crush on him and I was happy with my valentine. It was a drawing of Linus from the Peanuts flipping in midair like the Peanuts do, and the little message said, "I've flipped for you". I don't think he really meant it--he had 8 more grades to show interest before graduation, and it didn't happen. But still, I love that valentine, and someday I will photocopy it and send it to him on V. Day. Maybe next year even. Valentine's Day in high school was painful and horrible. Our school had some club or other that sold carnations to people to be delivered to other people on V. Day, and the carnations were color-coded to mean, "friends" or "love" or whatever. The carnations were delivered during class and everyone would see if you got one, or (in my case) didn't get one. Uch, the dating thing in high school was horrible. I had crushes on boys but I never wanted them to know about it. I thought if anyone knew I had a crush on, say, Greg for instance (discussed in a previous entry), they would pity me because they would know that he was completely out of my league. I had a very poor self-image when I was younger; I thought almost everyone was out of my league and I had seen this league thing in action. There was a girl in my class--we'll call her A--who had a crush on a boy in my class--to be known as Z. Z was Way out of A's league but she didn't seem to know it. She let it be known far and wide how much she liked Z, and everyone felt sorry for her because she didn't get that he was never going to like her. I didn't want to be like A; I had a horror of being pitied. So, yeah, high school was hell on my tender young heart. Sorry, that was rather tangential, but I think it was therapuetic for me so thanks for letting me get it off my chest. In honor of the day yesterday, I will attempt to remember some dialogue from one of the Strangers With Candy episodes: [Ahem] "I've got some bad news for you, Jerri. You have crabs...and your crabs are carrying syphillus...and your syphillus is infected with gonorrhea". Later dudes,
come over some time & see me - 2011-02-25 |
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